i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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