Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
