I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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