just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
