got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
