over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
