wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it glows. i had to have it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
