This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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