Porn is love you can see.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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