Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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