my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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