so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
