I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
