3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
