He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
