birth control should be required to get into college
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
