I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
