Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
