i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
