He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
