It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love having hate sex.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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