Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
