If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
