just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
