she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
