Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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