Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
