R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
