I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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