my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He has the fingertips of a God
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
