Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
