I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
