never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
