A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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