Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
