Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
