i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
