when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
