just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
