I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
