pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
