Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
