A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
