I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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