can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
