As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
