I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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