I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
