i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
