well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
